The Lesser Humphrey
by hsds
Summary: This is an AU fic. This story is primarily about Dan and Serena, but other characters will also be a part of this story. Some of the facts from the show will be used, but Jenny does not exist. Dan has a twin brother named Brad. The events of this fic will parallel S1 and 2 with some slight changes.
1. Chapter 1

Summary: 

This is an AU DS fic. Some of the facts from the show will be used, but Jenny does not exist. Dan has a twin brother named Brad. The events of this fic will parallel S1 and 2 with some slight changes.

* * *

**The Lesser Humphrey: Prologue**

10-8-05

Dan Humphrey hated his life. He hated the stupid private school his father was forcing him to go to and he hated being a twin. What was the point? It's not like they looked alike anyways. But, above all else he hated how boring and useless his life seemed. Granted he was only 14 and overly pessimistic, but he really had no choice when he was surrounded by a household full of merry sues. His mother always looked on the bright side of things, but there were times when he was sure that was all an act. She had the saddest eyes he'd ever seen on a person. His father was always preaching about positivity and auras and some such shit and Brad was so laid back that negativity wasn't even in his personal dictionary. He was everything Dan wished he had the courage to be: brave, good-looking, and likeable. Instead Dan was stuck with the short end of the gene stick. He was shorter, pale and dark-haired in contrast to Brads golden locks which were gift from their mother. Dan was also awkward and scared. Sometimes he felt like his fear would swallow him whole.

He sighed and put the book he was reading down and picked up the remote. He flipped through the channels while he made his usual running commentary. Brad stormed into the room dressed in a clean pair of dockers and a crisp shirt. He grabbed the remote and shut off the TV.

"Get dressed loser. I'm sick of your emo act,"Brad said firmly.

Dan looked up at his brother and said, "hey I was watching that."

"No, you weren't watching. You were mocking. Now get off your ass and get dressed. We're going to a party."

Dan rolled his eyes and said, "I don't go to parties. I'm lonely boy remember?"

"That's bullshit,"he said as he lifted Dan off of the couch and pushed him into his room.

Dan was not going to be forced to go to some ridiculous party with the children of vapid socialites who were even more vapid than their parents. So, instead he opened his laptop that his mom had bought him for his birthday and opened up his latest story file. He'd rather write something than be subjected to a painful and ridiculous attempt at socializing with people he hated. He was still sulking a half-hour later when his brother stormed into his room.

"Why the fuck are you not dressed?"

"Because I'm not going dumbfuck."

"What's your problem? No wonder you are stuck by yourself with no friends you refuse to get off your lazy ass and do something about it."

Dan was irritated. He hated when his brother got like this. Couldn't he just leave him alone.

"I have friends,"dan said defensively.

"Oh yeah. Like who? And Vanessa and Cedric don't count."

"Why doesn't Vanessa count?"he asked awkwardly.

"Cause she's a girl and a weird one at that."

Dan rolled his eyes, "that's illogical and there is a major fallacy in your argument."

Brad pointed a finger at him and said, "that is exactly why people don't like you. You say stupid shit like that all the time. Stop regurgitating what you read and talk like a normal person."

He knew that he was screwed and that Brad would keep bugging him till he went so instead of fighting with him over a dumb he decided to give in.

"I do talk like a normal person and fine I'll go on one condition."

"Name it."

"You never force me to go to another party ever again!"

Brad rolled his eyes and said, "you've got a deal little brother."

"You have a minute on me. Don't act like you're years older,"Dan replied as he closed the door on his face.

A quarter of an hour later, Dan was dressed and ready to go. Just as they were about to go their mom stopped them.

"Where are you boys going?"

"We're going to a party,"Brad replied.

She looked from one boy to another with a shocked look on her face.

"Okay you I understand,"she said as she pointed to Brad "but, Dan going to a party? Did you boys make one of your twisted bets again?"

The twins looked at each other and burst into laughter.

When they arrived at the Waldorf's Brad practically pushed Dan out of the elevator. He really didn't want to be here, but at this point he had no choice but to suck it up.

"Remember don't be a dork and have fun for chrissake,"Brad warned before he abandoned his brother to find his friends.

Dan milled around the place picking at the food laid out on the table. He grabbed himself a beer and settled on a couch in the corner. He took a sip and tried to look like it was something he did everyday when in actuality this was probably the second time he'd ever had a beer. He tried not to recall the first time he'd ever had a drink because it was a memory he would sooner forget. He found a snug couch in the corner that looked rather comfortable and took a seat.

"I probably should socialize or something," he thought to himself.

Dan got up and awkwardly milled around the room. He noticed a couple of guys from his AP English class and walked up to them

"Hey, guys."he said.

They turned and looked at him blankly before turning back to their conversation with saying a word to him. Dan rolled his eyes and muttered, "yeah nice to meet you too. Assholes."

Dan marched his butt back to his little comfort zone and avoided any attempt at talking to his classmates. He didn't understand what was wrong with them or if it was just him. His brother seemed to have no problem relating to these people. But, he refused to be nice to these uptight assholes that couldn't see beyond their own reflection. He took a swig of his beer and attempted to block out the idiocy surrounding him by playing a little game of Futuristic Divorce Court. It was a game he'd come up with last year when his dad had first enrolled him in private middle school. It consisted of trying to predict which one of his fellow classmates would end up married and then promptly divorce. IT was decidedly sick, but it amused Dan. He was so caught up in tyring to figure out which teen romance would implode in ten years that he didn't notice the vision that had plopped down next to him. He turned his head and his mouth nearly dropped open. She was a vision. All long limbs and golden hair. She turned to face him and reached out her dainty hands, "Hi, I'm Serena."

Dan felt a tightening in his gut. He willed himself to speak but all he could manage to do was take her hand and shake it vigorously.

"Whats your name?"

"Uh,Dan. My name is Dan."

"Nice to meet you dan. Could you let go of my hand you're hurting me."

He flushed red and awkwardly dropped her hand. "I'm sorry. I'm not exactly good with these sorts of things."

Serena giggled and said, "you don't like people?"

Dan tried to form a coherent thought but he was completely overwhelmed by the sight, the sound, the mere presence of her.

"I'm just shy."

"Oh don't be shy. Why are you sitting here all by yourself?"

"Its just easier."

"Well you're talking to me now. Its not that hard,"Serena said as she looked at him intently.

Dan debated whether he should tell her that she was pretty or if he should just continue with the small talk, but a small brunette pushed through the crowd and tugged on her arm.

"Serena I've been looking everyone for you."

She waved as her friend pulled her way. Dan sat there and watched her as she was pulled thorugh the crowd. He smiled softly to himself. Something had happened to him in that moment.

Later that night the boys sat at the island in the middle of the loft and talked about the party as they shovelled their way through two enormous bowls of icecream.

"See you had fun, right?"Brad asked.

"It was okay."

"If it was just okay, how come you have that goofy smile on your face?"Brad asked. He looked at his younger brother and it took a second before it clicked. "You met a girl"

Dan tried to hide his blush, but there was no fooling Brad.

"Who is she?"

"Its no big deal."

"Come on spill Danny-boy."

"Don't call me that. You know hate it,"Dan complained.

"Stop the evasive manoevers. Who is she?

"I don't know. It's the first time I've seen her. She's tall, Blonde. Her name is Serena."

Brad smiled and slapped him on the back, "I never knew you had that much game in you. You hooked up with the Van Der Woodsen."

"No, we didn't exactly hookup as you call it."

"Then what happened?"

"Nothing."

"Aww you have a crush. Be careful rumor is she squashes little boys like you like a bug."

"Shut up Brad."


	2. Chapter 2

**Author's Note:** Sorry for the very very long delay. But, I finally got inspired again.

**Chapter: Twist of Fate**

**June 2007**

Dan rushed home with the pamphlet in hand. He was feeling a little more eager than usual and uncharacteristically peppy. This was the key to everything. He was roaming the halls of St. Jude's when he noticed a posting about a summer writing program in Syracuse. It would be a chance for him to finally get away from it all. It was his escape. No more Brad, No more discussions about his aura and karma and looking on the bright side of things. He could just focus on his work and finally just be him. Dan Humphrey. Not that he really knew who that was, but it could finally be a way for him to figure it out. The only hitch was that he had to convince his parents that spending a summer away would be good for his personal growth. He really had no desire to participate in another bout of music or sports camp—which his father forced him to engage in every year so that he could bond with his brother. Dan descended the stairs and let himself into the loft.

"Hello, anybody home?"he yelled.

There was no response, so he dumped his bag on the floor and made a bee-line for the fridge. He rummaged through it until he found some leftovers and cheese. He was busy making himself a sandwhich so he didn't really notice that his father had walked in. As he was eating, he noticed the sound of his parents arguing from the other room. Dan put his food down and walked towards their bedroom.

"Where are you going Alison?"

"I don't know," she replied.

"Isn't this kind of sudden. Shouldn't we talk about it first?"

"I need to figure some things out."

"So, you're just leaving me and the boys. Abandoning us."

Dan walked into his parent's room and said, "why are you leaving mom?"

"Dan, how long have you been standing there?"

"Long enough," he replied sullenly.

Alison looked over at her son sadly as she gently closed her suitcase. Rufus stuffed his hands in his pockets and wondered what exactly he could say.

"Well? Is anyone going to answer my question or are we all going to stand here and do are very best impression of a mute."

"Dan, I think you need to give your mother and I some space and time to talk,"Rufus said.

Alison picked up her case and said, "Space is exactly what I need. I'll call you."

She kissed Dan and hugged him tightly before walking out the door leaving her son and husband staring after her in disbelief.

**June 2007-Connecticut**

Serena Van Der Woodsen sat on her bed with a pencil in her mouth as she puzzled over her algebra homework. Finals were a few days away and she had to figure out what she was going to do next year. She couldn't run from her life forever. Serena pulled her long blonde hair back in bun and flipped back a couple of pages to see what exactly she was doing wrong. She was still flipping back and forth through her math textbook an hour later when her roommate came in and flopped herself on the bed across the room.

"I hate my life, "Melinda proclaimed. But, it wasn't an unusual statement and one she made atleast three or four times a day.

"What now?"

"I think my boyfriend is going to breakup with me."

"Didn't you guys break up last week."

"We got back together on Saturday. Don't you listen Serena."

"But, its only Monday, "Serena said with confusion. She tried to understand her perplexing roommate, but more than ever she was beginning to realize that the girl was just an idiot. Serena had her flighty and flaky moments, but this girl really did take the cake. She wondered how she had enough brain cells to stay upright at times. It was at times like this that she really missed Blair. She missed the strength that her friend exuded her no nonsense attitude and her sharp mind. Sometimes she felt like she was swimming in a sea of mindless people. She'd come to Connecticut in order to avoid that world; to re-establish herself. To become a different version of herself, but really all she seemed to be doing was drifting. She picked up her cell and looked through her pics. There were dozens of her and Blair just hanging out and being who they were to each other. She paused when she got to the picture of Nate. God, how was she going to face them all again? Would she have the strength she needed to do so?

**August 2007: Hudson, New York**

Brad Humphrey was in his own version of hell, chock full of hippy artists and his annoying brother who spent his days scribbling in a notebook instead of enjoying the warm weather and hitting the beach. They were staying in a coastal resort-town and all his weird brother could think of to do was scribble in his goddamn book. He knew that they had kind of gone their separate ways over the years, but a part of him really did miss just hanging out with Dan. He may be annoying most of the time, but he was still his brother. Sometimes he wished he was more like him. He didn't know how to relate to his mother and not just cause she was girl, but because she was this super-sensitive being that he just seemed completely incapable of being. Brad liked sports and the outdoors and just living life. Music was important to him, but it didn't rule his world like writing and art ruled his mother and brothers' world. Physically Brad tended to resemble his mother, but it was like he was cut from a different cloth from his whole family. He had inherited his father's musical talent and no matter how hard Rufus tried to be a cool dad, there was always this weird space between them, not nearly as pronounced as the weirdness between Dan and his dad, but it was still there.

"Hey, D. Watcha ya doing?"

Dan looked up at him with disbelief and said, "what does it look like I'm doing?"

"No need to be a sarcastic butt. I just thought you might want to hit the beach."

"What for?"

"I don't know maybe to get some sun and you know have a little fun. All you've been doing all summer is scribbling in that book of yours."

"Well, I was supposed to go to camp, but now thats a wash so I'm making the best of it. Anyways the beach isn't really my thing."

"Are you still bitching about your stupid writing camp? Isn't that a little boring for summer."

Dan just rolled his eyes and packed up his stuff. "I'm going to see Mom at the gallery. Have fun trolling for chicks in the sand, Brad."

Brad watched his brother leaved and through himself on to the couch and flicked through the channels. Normally, he could care less what his brother thought of him, but it was starting to get to him. He just felt so disconnected nevermind the boredom of the summer. He just wanted to have fun; to have someone to hang out with. What had he ever done to deserve this purgatory? He pulled out his cell and scrolled through his phone till he found V's number. He knew he was desperate if he was calling Dan's best friend—and his former playmate—just so he could have someone to talk to.

"hey, its me Brad."

"Yeah, I know. What did you think I forgot your voice or something?"

"Why are you always such a noxious bitch."

"Oh how sweet. He calls me up call me names. What do you want Humphrey?"

"How come you only call me that?"Brad asked.

"What you want me to call you something nastier?"Vanessa asked.

"Maybe I want you to use my actual name. I mean you don't call Dan that."

"That's cause I actually like him."

Brad smiled and put his legs on the coffee table and crossed them. "You know you want me baby."

"Oh please. What do you want?"

"Nothing, I'm bored. Dan won't hang out with me and I have no one to play with."

"What no brainless bimbos left to chase?"She asked.

"Maybe, its gotten old,"he said.

"Are you guys okay?"Vanessa asked. She was beginning to worry about how far the guys had drifted from each other. It was almost like it became normal to them. But, they were family and they needed each other whether they realized it or not.

"We're fine V. Don't stress it. I was just boring. Anyways I have to go. I am gonna go see my mom."

August 2007- Grand Central Station

Serena sat on the train waiting to disembark, but she couldn't help but check her texts constantly. Eric was sick. He had tried to hurt himself and it was all her fault. She didn't know if she could or would ever forgive herself for leaving him alone with her for so long. She could barely deal with her mother so how could she expect her sweet younger brother to handle it all by himself. She sighed to herself and watched people slowly leaving the train. She got up and made her way through the various tunnels before she found herself in hte main waiting area looking for her driver. She hugged her jacket closely to her body and looked around for whatever unknown face would take her home or wherever her mother called home now. For all she knew she had remarried and found her latest Klaus. Her mother changed husbands like some people changed wardrobe. She had a new one nearly ever season.

Little did Serena know that a certain Dan Humphrey who she had made quite the impression on would be clamping eyes on her again at that very moment? He drowned out his father's voice as he yammered on awkwardly about his mother and whether she had a new boyfriend up in Hudson. All Dan could see was the blonde vision before him. Serena was back and as beautiful as ever. It was like he couldn't breathe. He kept rooted to the spot. He always wondered what he'd say to her when he saw her again, but she was too far for him to yell out for her; like it mattered because she probably didn't remember who he was.

"Earth to Dan. Move your ass dude, "Brad said as he shoved his brother along with both hands. He was acting all spacey out of the blue. He was just happy to finally be back in the city. He couldn't wait to see his friends again and next week school would be starting which meant Lacrosse and soccer and girls, lots of girls. God he loved being a city boy.

**September 2007**

Serena was living in a hotel while her brother was still stuck up in the Ostroff Centre while her mother pretended he wasn't even there. She hated all the facades. She didn't want to put on a happy face and pretend like things weren't awkward between Blair and her. They were, but what did she expect. It had been more than a year since she had last spoken to her. She found her mother at Eleanor Waldorf's party schmoozing instead of spending time with her soon who had just tried to kill himself. Sometimes she just wished her family, her life was normal. She had made a mess of things last year and she had no idea how to make it better. So, she haphazardly put on her school uniform and applied a little lip gloss as she tried her best to pretend like Blair's icy glares wouldn't bother her. She would put on a fake smile while the other girls were around, but she knew what Blair was thinking. _Now you come back. _Serena just had no idea how to explain it all. She wanted her friendship back, she just wasn't sure how to achieve it and above else she didn't want to see Nate again. What had gone down between them last summer had been a big fat mistake, but that didn't mean she didn't miss his friendship. Serena left the Palace Hotel and made her way up to school. It was like watching things from the outside. Everything was oh so familiar yet so strange. She didn't know where to go from here. Who was she now? She no longer was Serena teh party girl, but who was this Serena? She was still contemplating all of this as she tried to find her locker. She turned a sharp corner and ran right into this guy. She looked at him and was almost instantly lost in those chocolate brown orbs. There was something hauntingly familiar about him, but she didn't know what it was.

"Oh my God, I'm so sorry. I can be a real clutz sometimes,"Serena said.

"You? A clutz? Somehow I doubt that, but its okay. Atleast you didn't knock my books down on purpose like some people."

"Why would anyone do that to you?"

"If I didn't know better I'd ask if you were new, but we both know that you aren't. Its just the way it goes in the great Shark Tank known as /Constance."

Serena giggled at this boy. He was cute. A little awkward, but definitely cute. "A shark tank? Isn't that a tad dramatic?"

"I can't help it. I have a flare for the dramatic. Its a good given talent."

"Apparently so. So, Mr. Dramatic. What's your name."

"Dan."

"Nice to meet you. I'm Serena."

"I know,"he said softly.

"Well have a good day and don't let the sharks bite because it would be nice to run into you again."

Dan watched as he walked away. She was a vision and he still couldn't believe he managed to formulate actually words as the goddess spoke to him. Things were already looking up. Serena Van Der Woodsen spoke to him. Now, if she only remembered who she was, but he'd take whatever he could. The year was definitely going to be good, if this was anything to go by


	3. Chapter 3

**The Lesser Humphrey**

**Chapter 3: Kiss on the Lips part 1**

Serena found herself standing outside of Blair's penthouse. She didn't know what to say or how to begin this very awkward conversation, but she knew it was something she had to do. She sucked in a breath and rang the bell. She flipped her long blonde hair and smiled as she was greeted by the East-European maid that was more of a mother to blair then her own was.

"Miss Serena. This is surprise. I go get Miss Blair,"Dorota said as she scurried off to call Blair.

Blair was sitting on her luxurious bed flipping through a fashion magazine. She was hoping to find some inspiration for tonight, but nothing in her closet was impressing her and this magazine was no help at all. She sighed in frustration.

"Miss Blair?"

"What do you want Dorota?"Blair screeched.

"You have a visitor."

"Who is it?"

Dorota stuffed her hands in the pocket of her maid's uniform and glanced up at Blair and softly said, "Miss Serena."

"What? Speak up Dorota."

"Miss Serena is here to see you."

Blair's faced dropped for a millisecond, but she composed herself like only a Waldorf could and smoothed her skirt. She brushed past Dorota and slowly walked down the spiral staircase. At the bottom stood the girl that had been the source of a lot of pain over the past year, but the sight of her still brought her lots of joy as well. She plastered a smile on her face and tried to remember that this girl had abandoned her when she needed her the most.

"Serena, you're back. It's so great to see you,"Blair said as she embraced the other girl. Serena hugged her back, but was a little thrown by how she greeted her. She had expected her chilly ice queen act not this warmth. It through her for a loop and she wondered when the other shoe would drop.

"How are you? I was wondering if you wanted to go for a drink?"

"I'm sorry, but I'm afraid I'm all booked up for the week, "Blair said frostly.

_There's the Blair I know._

"How about next week?"Serena asked.

"I'll text you to let you know if I have a little time."

"Isn't tonight the Kiss-on-the-lips party?"

"Yes, but I didn't know you'd be in town. But, I'll leave your name at the door. I really have a lot of things to do; you can see yourself out right?"Blair said mischievously.

Dan was still on his high from the other day. He was practically skipping around the loft and Brad was convinced something short-circuited in his brain because his brother was never this upbeat. It upset the balance he had become accustomed to. He was the one who was relaxed and happy and Dan was the resident emo-boy. Recently, his brother was unusually chipper and walked around like he was floating on a cloud. Every time, he tried to pry the reason for his new found happiness he simply shrugged and went about his day. Brad stormed into his room and lay on the yellow bean bag. "So, Bro what's up?"

"nothing,"Dan said as he whistled whiled typing away on his laptop.

"Whatchya writing?"

"Stuff,"Dan replied.

"Can I see?"he said as he got up from where he sat and attempted to peak a look. Dan closed his laptop and looked at his brother with irriation. "What's with the third degree Brad. You've been asking me all sorts of questions all week."

"you haven't been yourself. I was just curious."

"And what exactly is that?"

"I don't know you seem upbeat, that's never been your thing, bro."

"Its not like I walk around with a cloud of depression hanging over me."

"Ugh, actually you do. Or you usually have some sarcastic remark ready to use at a moments notice."

"Sarcasm is the spice of life, man."

Brad picked up a book that was lying on the floor and threw it at his brother. Dan ducked just in time and screamed at his brother. "What the hell is wrong with you? Are you always such a douchebag?"

"Do you have to ask?"Brad replied with a smirk on his face. "There's a party tonight. You coming?"

"You nearly decapitated me and now you're inviting me to go to some lame party with you? You're brain is a mystery Brad."

Brad shrugged and said, "So you coming or not?"

"Sure."

Dan really had only one reason to go to this stupid party and it was Serena. He knew that it was the kiss-on-the lips party and he also knew that Blair Waldorf was her best friend. So, the chances of running into her again were pretty high. Not even the lame antics of his brother could deter him fro his little mission. There was just something about this girl that made him feel good. She gave him confidence, he felt like life wasn't so dreary whenever he thought about her. She was all legs and long blonde locks. She was a goddess and he just had to speak to her again.

Blair opted for one of her mother's designs in the end. It was a black off-the-shoulder dress that clung to her petite frame. Nate came to pick her up and he looked dashing as usual. Blair was so excited for tonight and nothing would ruin this evening for her not even Serena. She had made sure that her name was not added to her list. Serena couldn't expect to be able to waltz back into her life so easily. She knew how things worked in their world. It was all about subterfuge and games. Nothing was ever as it seemed. A part of her knew it was probably hard for Serena to suck up her pride and come to her, but she couldn't expect everything to just magically go her way like it always did. Things were different now. She'd found her rightful place at Constance once Serena had left, a place she had always longed to be. But, somehow the victory was hollow without her best friend. She especially needed her since her home life was disintegrating into a pile of dust. Nate wasn't much of help. He just stood around and dimly nodded his head. Sometimes she wasn't sure if he was high or simply disinterested in her problems. She turned around to see him leaning against the doorway smiling wistfully at her. She smiled back and waved him over.

"Hey, baby."Nate said.

Blair hugged him and said, "hey."

"You ready for tonight. I know you've been looking forward to it for ages."

"Of course. I'm always ready."

Chuck sauntered in and as usual had a dirty remark handy. "So, how's my favorite domonaitrix."

"Pig!"

"I love it when you talk dirty,"Chuck said.

Nate giggled and said, "You two fight like children."

He nodded towards Chuck and the two of them went out back and lit up a joint and shared it as they talked. Nate continued to go on about his father misunderstood him and Chuck ignored him as per usual. He was getting sick of his friend's whining especially since he did not have it nearly as hard as he did when it came to disdainful fathers. By the time the two of the m returned the party was practically in full swing. Nate spotted his friend Brad and his brother. He didn't know much about Dan Humphrey other than that kid stuck to himself, occassionaly coming with his brother to parties, and was pretty smart. He was a bit awkward and overly sarcastic, but Nate thought seemed pretty cool.

"Hey, Bro what's up?"Brad asked.

"Nothing much, just had spliff with Chuck."

"How's the serial rapist these days? Still cruising for his latest victim."

Apparently acerbic wit was something that ran in the family. Nate laughed and said, "He's not that bad."

"He is that bad. He's a douche."

"Just give him a chance. Once you get to know him, he really isn't all that bad."

"Whatever dude. Point me to the chicks."

Nate and Brad disappeared into the crowd as Dan found himself sitting on a coach with a drink in hand and some strange girl looking at him as if he was her next five course meal.

"Hey,"he said in an attempt to be polite.

"Hi,"she said.

The girl continued to stare at him awkwardly so he got up and walked about again. The place was crawling with people who either annoyed the crap out of him or who simply ignored him. He'd been there for a little under an hour and he was already going crazy with boredom. All he wanted was to see Serena and maybe talk to her for a few minutes. He finished off his beer and made his way out the back and let the sights and sound of the city carry him away. There was still a stream of kids trying to get into the party. The bouncer looked through his list and either gifted them entry to what he deemed the most asinine party he'd ever been to or told them to go home. He was about to head home when the sight of the girl he'd been waiting all night for begged the bouncer to check the list again.

"Come on, check again. I'm on that list. I have to be. Don't you know who I am?"

The bouncer looked at Serena sternly and said, "Listen girlie. You are not on the list."

Dan decided to step up because he hated seeing her be humiliated like that. "Actually she's with me."

"And who are you?"

"Brad Humphrey."

The bouncer look at the list and moved out of the way. Serena linked her arm in his and said, "I thought your name was Dan."

"It is. Long story."

"I've got time,"Serena said as she grabbed him by the arm and led him to a cozy corner. There was just something about him that had her curious and she was greatful for his little act of heroism. It wasn't much, but it said a lot about him. He also happened to have the most beautiful brown eyes she had ever seen. He just made her feel all warm inside.

"So, Dan. Tell me the story? Who is Brad and why are you pretending to be him."

"Oh that's my brother. He goes to St. Judes too, but we don't hang in the same circles. I don't exactly hang with anyone."

"A loner? If you're such a loner, what are you doing at a party like this?"

"I don't know. My brother is always dragging me to these things. He thinks his cool will rub off on me like osmosis or something."

"Osmosis? You're funny," she said as she slapped him gently on the arm. Dan smiled back at her and shrugged. They sat there talking and he knew that this girl would be and could be about as special as they came. He still had trouble believing that his big crush was sitting here chatting him up. Over an hour later, Serena got up and said, "well I should mingle. I have to go talk to Blair anyway."

"Don't let her psyche you out. You're great. Just remember that."

Serena swung her head back and said, "Thank you. You're pretty great too."

Serena went looking for Blair, but she was nowhere to be seen. She found herself feeling a little depressed and frustrated so she ordered a drink at the bar and took a seat. She was on her second vodka tonic when a tall, lanky blonde guy came up to her. "Hey, there."

"Hi," she said nonchalantly.

"You're far too beautiful to look so sad."

"You're sweet, but I'm not really in the mood."

Brad held up his hands and said, "I was just trying to make some conversation. How about we exchange names before you reject me out right?"

Serena laughed and said, "Serena."

"Brad."

She crinkled her eyes and said, "Do you have a brother named Dan?"

Brad rolled his eyes and said, "Yep. I'm surprised he talked to you. He usually keeps to himself."

"He is sweet."

"Looks like my baby brother beat me to you."

"I'm sensing a little jealousy."Serena said.

"No, no. I don't do jealousy. It's a waste of time."

Brad took a seat beside her and they chatted about all sorts of things. Serena couldn't help but compare him to his soulful brother. They were both very charming, but there was just something about Dan that drew her. He had an air of mystery and as nice and fun as Brad seemed, she kept thinking about his brother. She stayed with Brad for a little while longer, eventually leaving him to go find Blair just as she had his brother.


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter 4: A new version of me**

Dan got home and he was in an even greater mood, he had run into Serena a little later and they had spent quite a bit of time talking. She laughed at his corny jokes and generally made him feel good about himself. But, she eventually had to go home since she couldn't find her friend. He found Brad in the corner flirting with some girl and motioned for him to go. The two of them got in cab and Brad was smirking at him the entire time.

"What are you staring at?"Dan asked.

"Nothing."

"Then stop smirking at me."

"I'm not smirking," Brad said even though that was exactly what he was doing. He loved harassing his brother, but it was all in good fun. He was just impressed that Dan had managed to snag himself such a hot number. They had spent the better part of the night huddled in a corner talking and laughing like no one else existed. He was glad that he was finally happy. He'd never seen him this relaxed or content. Dan always seemed so down or broody that it was nice to see him come out of his shell. He usually only got this way when he was listening to some song that he loved, but lately all he'd been playing was moody rock that made Brad want to cry.

"Why are you so quiet and would you stop looking at me like I'm your science project?"Dan insisted. Brad's inquisitive gaze was really starting to unnerve him. The cab pulled up to their building before he could berate Brad for creeping him out even more. They made their way up, but Brad was staggering more than he was walking. Dan put an arm around his brother and dragged him into the loft. He half-carried him to his room as he tried to get him to be quiet.

"I met your girlfriend,"he slurred as Dan placed him on his bed.

"what girlfriend?"

"The tall,"he said as he pointed his arm upward, "blonde."

Dan blushed slightly and tugged off his brothers shoes. "You're drunk."

"You're blushing, little brother, "he slurred. Brad was getting sleepy, he really had way too much too drink. He couldn't think very clearly and he was beginning to see three of Dan. He buried his head in his pillow and shut his eyes. He was woken up a few minutes later with a shove. Brad reluctantly opened his eyes and muttered, "What?"

Dan handed him a green concoction and said, "Drink this."

"What the fuck is that? It looks gross"

"Its green tea and honey and it's going to prevent a massive hangover in the morning."

He looked at his brother quizzically and took the drink. He was right. It tasted pretty good. "When did you learn so much about hangovers."

"I've been sobering you up since we were 14, Brad. It's called the internet. Try using it sometime."

Dan made his way to his room and he was sitting in bed with his laptop open when he got a text on his phone.

"you up?"

"Yep. Writing."

"what's your email."

Dan smiled to himself and texted back,

"humps? Someone is conceited. Lol"

"haha not really."

A few minutes late her got a message from her on msn. Dan smiled to himself as he responded.

"hey Serena."

"Hey humps."

"Don't call me that."

"its in ur email. I just left out the ."

"ur right its my fault. So whats up?"

"nothing. I'm bored!"

"that's not good."

"I met brad. The real one!"

"yeah he told me just before he passed out."

"haha. He's that drunk! I'm a little buzzed."

Dan stayed on msn with her nearly all night. They didn't really talk about much, but he felt a little more confident every time he spoke to her. He didn't think she would speak to him so soon after the party. By the time they got off, he had gotten no writing done and it was nearly five am. He slept almost the entire day. By the time he dragged himself out of bed, he found his brother sitting at the island eating some cereal. He poured himself some and sat down beside him. The two of them quietly shoveled food in their mouths before Dan broke the silence and said, "how's your head?"

"It's fine. That shit you gave me worked wonders."

"I told you."

"So, why are you getting up so late."

"I was up late."

"Sexting with your girlfriend."

Dan rolled his eyes and said, "I don't have a girlfriend and I wasn't sexting."

"I thought I heard typing."

"I was writing."

"Do you always laugh like a school girl when you write? So have you asked her out yet?"

Dan shoveled some cereal into his mouth in response. Brad got up and put his dishes in the sink and said, "don't wait too long. She's hot and for some reason she's hot for you Dan."

Serena spent most of the day in bed lounging around. Nobody was in the hotel suite. Her mother had left pretty early on and her brother was still at the Ostroff center. She had stayed up pretty late talking to Dan on msn. He was so cute and funny that she just had to contact him right away. It might have broken all of those unspoken dating rules. Not that they were dating, but she really liked him. She'd only seen him twice, but she couldn't wait to see him again. He made her feel good and she had never liked a boy like him before. He was smart and witty and he didn't treat her like a sex object. He made her feel special and that was something that she wanted to hold on to. Serena loved that he wanted to know what she was thinking and that was something she wasn't used to. Usually the first thing on a guys mind was sex, but Dan seemed to really want to know who she was rather than how to get into her pants. Serena quickly got dressed and decided to go over to Blair's again, maybe this time she could actually get through to her. She wasn't surprised that Blair had pulled that stunt; it was just something she did. But, she had to give it another try before giving up altogether. She hopped into the town car and headed towards her penthouse. Blair was worried. Serena had barely bothered to seek her out the night before. She had managed to find her inside the party, but she seemed to spend most of her time flirting with Brad's insufferable twin. So many girls were infatuated with the mysterious Humphrey, but she thought he was a pathetic loser with no friends. She really did not understand what it was about him that had the female populations gaze upon him. The sound of Dorota answering the door dragged her from her thoughts. She got up and made her way down the long staircase. She was standing there looking aloof and beautiful as usual. Sometimes she hated Serena for her complete inability to look gorgeous even when she was falling down drunk outside of a seedy bar.

"Hey, Blair."

"Hello," Blair said as she leaned over to hug her, but Serena held up her hand and said, "Don't bother. Let's get down to it B. You set me up and I get it, I really do. I disappointed you. I know it was my fault, but lets cut the games. I'm sorry and I want your friendship back. Now you can choose to forgive me or you can keep playing the same old games. The ball is in your court." Serena walked away, leaving a stunned Blair standing there with her mouth agape.

"She didn't just do that," Blair said to herself. She could hardly believe what she had just witnessed. Who was she to do that to her. She was the one that held the power. She was the friend that had been dropped without a single communication as to where she was and why she had left. Blair stormed out the door and started chasing after Serena.

"Who do you think you are?"Blair hollered

Serena turned around, her blonde hair whipping across her face, and looked at Blair angrily.

"Excuse me?"

"You heard me? Who the fuck do you think you are? You left! Not a word, not a peep for almost a year. My dad leaves my mom and runs off with her gay bestfriend and I don't even get a text from you? And you have the never to come in here being all high and mighty."

"You're right. I was a shitty friend, but I tried to make amends, start over and you started playing games again. I am tired of the games B. Tired. That's not who I am anymore."

"Well, too bad cause I'm still the same girl you left behind," Blair said as she stormed back towards her penthouse. "That was more like it," she thought to herself. There was no way she was going to allow Serena to have the last word.

Dan went to pick up his favorite Cuban sandwiches for his family. It was something the humphreys' loved, well that and morning waffles. He was heading towards the subway when he spotted her across the way. She was beautiful, a true vision. A part of them could hardly believe he had spent all of last night talking to her online. It was like a dream. She waved him over and said, "Dan! Over here."

He crossed the road and made his way over to her. "Hey, there."

"What are you doing here?"

Dan held up the soggy bag and said, "Picking up some sandwiches. It's a Humphrey-thing."

"Smelly pork sandwhiches are humprey thing?"Serena said in between giggles. Dan simply smiled at her and shrugged. Even her laugh was gorgeous. It was playful and childlike. She just had this way of spreading joy. She made him feel good.

"So, wanna join us?"he asked.

"Really? I'd love too."

"Come on, we need to get you an extra sandwhich."

Dan and Serena made their way into the Cuban deli across the street and she ordered the biggest, greasiest sandwhich they had on offering. Once it was wrapped up, they made their way along the street, and Serena looked like she was about to flag down a cab.

"We can't take a cab to Brooklyn?"

"Why not?"

"Well its sort of expensive and it takes forever."

"So how are we going to get there?"

"The subway of course."

Serena giggled and said, "Of course." She grabbed his hand and ran down to the station. She loved the adventure of it all. Riding subways was not something Serena Van Der Woodsen did, but she was a new girl and this boy made her feel alive. She was enjoying the new her; relishing her. She kept hold of his hand while they sat in the subway car heading towards what he called home. She loved the feel of his slightly roughened hands.

"Your skin is so rough?"

"I blame my dad?"

"For?"

"He has a thing about carpentry and he makes Brad and I help him out on his little projects, so my hands are a little rough from the wear. Not really a writers hands, "he said as he laughed huskily. She liked the idea that he worked with his hands. Serena laughed at the idea of any of the boys she had grown up with doing any sort of manual labor.

"What's so funny?"Dan asked.

"I was just imagining the boys at St. Judes doing manual labor."

"No wonder you were laughing, those idiots have probably never seen a hammer in their life or a nail." Dan looked over at her and paused a beat. "What is this?Why are you here with me?"

"We're going to eat sandwhiches with your family,"Serena quipped even though she knew exactly what he meant.

"I'm being serious. What is a girl like you doing with a guy like me?"

She looked up at him with utter bewilderment. "You really don't get it do you?"

"Get what?"

"How great you are and I don't even know you that well, but I want to. Isn't that enough?"

Dan smiled shyly and said, "its plenty."


	5. Chapter 5

**Author's Note:** I know it's been years since I updated this, but since all my other fics (except for Adventures) are done, I wanted to finish this. It's a sort of alternative verse to S1. Jenny doesn't exist. Dan has a brother named Brad... Vanessa is somewhat likeable. There will be minimal doses of chuck bass and blair. I want to kind of write what I think they should have done with SB. Anyways, I'm blabbing now and I don't even know if anyone still cares about this fic. It's more so I can finish my incomplete GG fics.

The Lesser Humphrey

Chapter 5

Dan reached for Serena's hand as they exited the subway car and climbed up the steps to the exit. They were a few blocks from the loft and he was basking in the glow of having her near him. He had spent so long afraid to take action that it was sort of disconcerting how easy it all was. He wasn't the kind of guy that normally second-guessed himself, but there was something about her. She mattered. He looked back at her and smiled.

"We're here," he said as they rode in the elevator that took them up to his place. When they entered Brad was lounging in his pjs as Vanessa glared at him. Dan cringed inwardly. He liked Vanessa as a friend, but he really wished she wouldn't hope for more. He tried to be nice about it, but she was just so persistent.

"Dan, you're home,"she said over-enthusiastically Vanessa eyed Serena suspiciously. Brad rolled his eyes at Vanessa.

"Um hey, Vanessa. I wasn't, um expecting you," he said as he stumbled over his words.

"She's always here," mumbled Brad. He reached for the sandwiches and said, "took you long enough. The Cubans are probably cold by now."

"You're such a pig," Vanessa muttered.

He looked at her wearily and said, "and you are clearly delusional."

Dan and Serena sat at the island and ate their sandwhiches as Vanessa awkwardly gazed at them afar. She wanted to hang out with him, but he was clearly occupied. "I think I'm gonna go. Talk to you later, Dan."

"See ya" he said in between bites.

Serena nibbled at her sandwich and wondered if she should be worried. He hadn't even bothered to introduce her to his friend and she felt like the odd person out. "So, how come you didn't introduce me?"

"Oh, it's just, I don't know kinda awkward. We're just friends, but…."

"wants to be more. Do you, um, like her?"

Dan smiled at her and wrapped an arm around her shoulder. "No, I like you. Only you."

"Ugh you guys are disgustingly cute. I'm going to go play video games or something."

"Knock yourself out, but you're never going to beat my score."

"Is that a challenge bro?"

"Not a challenge, just a fact.

"Care to back up that fact, little brother."

Serena laughed as she watched the two of them battle it out on their play station. She cheered Dan every time he went up a level. Her presence seemed to only boost his confidence and he managed to beat his brother easily.

"It's not fair," Brad pouted.

"I beat your ass fair and square," Dan said cockily.

Brad crossed his arms across his chest, "You had your own little cheer squad. The odds were stacked against me."

"Still doesn't change the fact that I wiped the floor with you,"he said teasingly.

Brad was sitting in the living room flipping the channels when Vanessa came over and plopped down next to him. "What are you watching?"

"Nothing. If you're looking for Dan, he's out."

She simply shrugged and took the remote from him. Vanessa was kind of tired of chasing Dan around. She still liked him, but how was she going to compete with the Serena.

"Give me my remote back. Don't you know anything about guys?"he said as he snatched the remote away. Brad was taken aback by the hurt look on her face and instantly felt bad. Vanessa got up and headed towards the door.

"Come on, don't be like that. You know I was just kidding."

Vanessa turned for a second and said, "you know what fuck you. I came over to hang out with you. I shouldn't have bothered."

She left him standing there confused. Brad liked to tease Vanessa. He had no idea she'd be so sensitive. He sighed and went back to flipping the channels. Brad turned from station to station for a good half-hour before he got frustrated and left.

Dan and Serena were sitting in a café in Brooklyn, their hands locked. They weren't really saying anything. They'd been out and two kind of dates and she still wasn't sure what this was, but she knew she loved spending time with him. Dan just wanted to reach over and kiss her, but he wasn't sure if it was the right time.

_Fuck it_

He leaned over grazed her cheek with his thumb and kissed her until neither of them could breathe. Dan ran his hands through her hair and pulled her closer. Once they separated, he placed his forehead on hers. He was out of breath and completely captivated by this girl.

"You're pretty good at that Humphrey" Serena said. He smirked at her and reached for her again. They sat there totally lost in one another that the waitress had to cough to get their attention. Serena blushed as there food was placed in front of them.

"We're really giving the wait-staff an eyeful," Dan muttered. Serena smiled at him sheepishly as she dug into her meal. They ate their food in companionable silence. Serena had never felt this way before. There was just something about him that was so special.

"I'm glad we did this,"she said as they were getting ready to leave. Dan paid for the meal and wrapped his arm around her. "Well, if you think this is fabulous wait till we go on a real date."

"you mean this isn't a date?"

He ran his fingers through her hair and said, "This? Is small time, babe."

"Should I be scared?"Serena joked as she ran down the street. Dan hurried to catch up with her, but she was faster than he imagined. She turned the corner and crossed the road to the park. He finally caught up to her at the swing set.

"Have you ever thought of signing up for track? You're fast,"he said.

"Nah, you're just slow,"she said as she giggled. Dan closed his eyes and let her laugh wash over him. It was so childlike and so enticing at the same time.

"Has anyone told you, that you have an amazing laugh,"he said as he reached for her hand. Serena looked into his eyes and smiled softly. She reached across and kissed him softly. This boy made her feel things that were exciting and little bit freighting.


	6. Chapter 6

**Author's Note:** I know it's been awhile since I've updated this fic, but let's just say I got my mojo back. I've got quite a journey planned for the Humphrey's. I know this is an AU verse. DS is still very much canon and sort of mirrors what you saw in the show (at least the first season) with my own additions to the story. But Brad's journey is kind of a risk and I've always wanted to write D with a brother. I still love J and she's one of my favorite characters, but this is an AU verse. It also affects the version of Dan that you will see. He still has his confidence, but he is still very much a younger brother. Now that I've bored you with this insanely long author's note, here is the latest chapter.

* * *

**The Lesser Humphrey**

**Chapter 6:**

Dan was standing in front of the bathroom mirror dabbing the spots where he'd nicked himself with the razor when his brother came barging in. Brad closed the door and lit up a cigarette. Dan grimaced and said, "Can't you do that somewhere else."

"Nope."

"It's a disgusting habit."

"So is your face."

Dan rolled his eyes and went back to examining his face. He could feel Brad simmering quietly. Dan was used to the drill. His brother with sit there silently pouting and he'd ask how he was doing, but he just wanted to get ready for his date with Serena.

"What is it?"

Brad took another drag from his cigarette and said, "me? There's nothing wrong."

Dan pulled the cigarette from his mouth and put it out. "First you only smoke when you're upset. You're also sitting there doing that silent pouting thing that you do. So, I know you want to talk about it, so spill."

"It's been a week dude. It was one comment. Don't you think she's over-reacting?"

Dan looked at his brother with confusion. "Who are you talking about?"

"Vanessa"

Dan looked at him and smirked. "You like her?"

"I do not like her. I just think she's being unreasonable."

Dan started to laugh. "Brad Humphrey, Ladies man likes Vanessa Abrams."

Brad rolled his eyes. "I'm not having this conversation anymore. It's totally unproductive."

Dan followed his brother out of the bathroom and into his bedroom. This was a moment he wasn't going to pass off especially after years of him ribbing about Vanessa's crush on him. "So when? When did this happen?"

"I have no idea what you are talking about. You're over-reacting dude. You're making too much of this."

"hmm so why is her silence bugging you so much?"

"It's just, it's unreasonable."

Dan laid a hand on his shoulder. "If you say so, but if its bothering you so much go talk to her. Anyways, I gotta go Serena is waiting for me."

Brad watched the smile on his brother face and patted him on the back. "So have you made past first base yet?"

"Shut up."

"I knew it. You're doomed to be a virgin forever."

"And you're doomed to be an asshole forever."

Brad stood on the street facing Vanessa's building and stuffed his hands in his pockets. He couldn't remember the last time he'd been over here. She lived here with her sister who spent most of the time on tour. He pushed open the door and pressed the button. "It's me V. Buzz me up."

"Go away,"she said.

He leaned against the wall and spoke into the intercom. "Stop being stubborn. Just buzz me up. I promise I'll be nice."

Vanessa sighed and buzzed him. She wasn't mad at him anymore, but she was damned if she was going to let him know what was going on with her. She'd had enough of the Humphrey's self-righteousness. It was bad enough losing Dan to Serena, but it wasn't really that much of a shock. He'd always had a soft spot for her, but she couldn't forgive Brad's cruelty. He was always the one person she could be herself with and she never expected him to be so cold with her. She was used to his snarkiness, but there was always a difference between their little back and forth and being cruel, but h didn't seem to understand the difference. She lit the candle that had gone out and wrapped the blanket around her tightly.

She got up and walked to the door when he knocked loudly. "I'm coming." She opened the door a crack and said, "you have five minutes."

"Jesus woman, let me in. Since when are you so over-sensitive?"

He pushed his way past her and looked around the dimly lit apartment. There were lit candles all over the apartment. "You expecting someone?"he said with a frown. So was that why she was being so weirdly defensive. She was hiding some dude. He wasn't sure he liked that. He was probably some pompous ass who was even more pretentious than his brother except Dan actually was genuine. He loved all that arts crap. He imagined this was some smooth guy who liked to use his knowledge of art in an effort to get into girls pants. He probably had bangs too ugh.

"What? No. What do you want Brad?"

"You're hiding something or someone? Who is he? I believe I owe him an obligatory grilling. Tell the slimy hipster he's got to go through me to do my duty."

She rolled her eyes. "There is no one; just me. I thought you were eager to be rid of me?"

"I came over to apologize, but you are being evasive and crankier than usual. Plus what's with all the candles and the blankets."

Brad reached for the light switch and tried to turn on the lights, but they weren't working. "How long have you been without electricity?

"A day or two," mumbled Vanessa.

"Get your stuff you're coming with me," he said as he guided her by the arm and led her into what he presumed was her bedroom. He picked up a sparkly top and threw it on the bed. "Sparkles?"

"That's my sisters."

"Figured. Not exactly your style."

Vanessa rolled her eyes and said, "My style? You sound like one of those pansies you go to school with?"

Brad just raised an eyebrow and stuffed bunch of random items into a duffel bag he found on the floor. "What are you doing? Stop touching my stuff. You can't just barge into my house and tell me what to do."

He looks up at her a beat and says, "I can and I will."

Meanwhile Dan waited in the middle of Central Park for Serena to arrive. He checked his watch every five minutes. She was late which shouldn't surprise him, but he really wanted this surprise to go off without a hitch. It was a warm fall afternoon and the weather was perfect for what he had planned. He laid out a blanket and he'd brought a long some sparkling cider as well as some sandwiches and fruit that he'd put together. He was staring at his watch for the fifth time in the past twenty minutes when he saw a flash of golden hair. She was running towards him in her high heels and a huge smile on her face. Serena nearly knocked him over when she embraced him. "I'm so sorry I'm late,"she said breathlessly.

"It's okay. I'm just glad that you came," he said.

Serena crinkled her face in confusion, "why wouldn't I?"

"Ugh no reason. Just being silly. Anyways your picnic awaits me lady,"Dan says as he bows. He takes her hand and leads her to the blanket. Serena is smiling and laughing so brightly that he swears her happiness is infectious. He's always been more of a brooder, but something about her just puts a permanent hop in his step. Dan reaches for the sparkling apple cider and pours it into the glasses he has brought along. He hands her one and makes a toast. "To the sweetest and prettiest girl in all of New York no the whole world."

"Stop you're making me blush."

"It's true. You're amazing,"Dan said as he leaned over and kissed her. Serena pulled him closer and wrapped her arms around him. He made her feel safe, loved. Something that she wasn't really used to and it scared her. She had just come back from Blair's again. Serena wanted to make things right, but she knew she couldn't make up for what she'd done.

_Serena held a bottle of champagne in her hand as she twirled to the sound of the music. Nate reached for her pulling her down on the poor as she giggled. She spilled the champagne over them both and they both broke into a fit of giggles. Nate pulled her on to his lap and kissed her. Serena lost her self in the moment. She felt free and a part of her had liked Nate. Afterwards, she pulled on her clothes and ran into the city streets with tears streaming down her face. She just had to keep moving. Serena had crossed a line that she could not uncross._

Serena shuddered when she remembered that night. It went from bad to worse, but she was a different person now; a better person. If Dan ever discovered what she did, she'd lose him and that was something she wasn't willing to let happen. Dan can feel the shift in her mood. She's gone from happy to sad in an instant which doesn't really surprise him, it just makes him worry. He holds her face in his hands and says, "What's wrong?"

"Nothing," she responds as she attempts to cover the sadness with a smile, but Dan can see through it. There is an infinite sadness in her eyes and all he wants to do is to make it go away. "You can tell me. I know something is bothering you."

"I'm fine. I just had a fight with my mother."

Dan drops his hands in disappointment. He knows she is lying to him. He can feel it, but he also knows that can't force her to trust him. So, he drops the subject for now. They go back to their picnic and Dan tells her about how his father has been going on all of these dates with these strange women.

"Does it bother you? Your father dating?"Serena asks as she pops a grape in her mouth.

"I don't know. Things have been weird between my mom and dad for awhile, Brad thinks they're both beign stupid. But, I don't know what to think. It's not really any of my business."

"You're a sweet, but it's got to be weird watching your parents split. I was so young when my father left that I've gotten used to my mother and her parade of jerks."

"Has she remarried a lot?" Dan asked softly.

"She's been married three times. I just wish that she cared more about Eric and I, but you can't choose your parents,"she said nonchalantly.

"But, that doesn't mean they have a right to act like assholes,"Dan muttered. He was seething on her behalf. Serena gave him a look of warning and he knew that he'd overstepped an invisible line. "Sorry, I just can't understand how anyone can have you in their life and not treasure that."

Serena smiled and wrapped and pushed him down on the blanket.


	7. Chapter 7

Author's Note: I wanted to thank everyone for the lovely reviews. I am trying to balance this story along with Double Trouble. I promise I'll stop with the twin thing after these two fics are done. I hope you like this chapter. Threw in a little sexy time for DS. Those crazy kids just can't keep their hands off of each other.

* * *

**Chapter 7: Close living quarters**

Dan was frustrated. Vanessa had been living with the Humphrey's for a little over a week and in that week he had about five minutes of privacy. He just wanted to be with Serena and to have alone time, but either Vanessa or Brad poked their heads into his room. He'd been dating Serena for about a month and he just wanted to be with her. They hadn't had sex, but both of them were ready. It certainly wasn't her first time, but it would be his, so he wanted everything to be perfect. Serena pulled him into the courtyard and they were making out feverishly between classes. He could feel the cold, hard brick wall and it was uncomfortable. "There has to be somewhere we can go?"

"Our place is still under construction,"Serena said between kisses.

In that moment, they both had an idea. Vanessa would be at work and his father at the gallery. "Are you thinking what I'm thinking?"Dan asked.

"Your place?"

"If we leave now that gives us a few hours before anyone is home?" Dan said with a smirk. He wasn't one for skipping class, but this was a dire circumstance. There was something about Serena that made him forget all the rules. He'd do anything to spend time with her. As they sat in the cab, he ran his hands along her thigh. He loved her legs and he couldn't seem to stop touching her. Dan looked up at her as she smiled and laid her head back. "I love your legs."

Serena smiled lazily and said, "I know."

Dan could feel himself getting hard and he knew he needed to stop before things got out of hand before they got back to the loft. He moved his hand so that he was holding Serena's hand. They smiled at each other neither of them saying a word.

"So, um, how are classes going?"

Serena looked at him oddly and said, "good."

"that's great, I mean that they are going so good,"he said. Dan was in full ramble mode. It was like a nervous tick, he couldn't control. He was too used to using words to fill awkward silences.

Serena laughed and said, "I love it when you ramble. It's cute."

When they finally got back to the loft, all Dan wanted to do was rip off Serena's clothes. Just thinking about her soft skin and those curves drove him crazy. He'd been masbterbating more than usual and he was afraid that someone would catch him. He pushed her against the metal door and ran his hands under her skirt as she removed his school jacket. His lips were on hers and he could hear her moaning softly. He bit her bottom lip and plunged his tongue into her mouth. She did things to him, to his mind and body that didn't quite understand and he wasn't sure he wanted to. Serena grabbed him by his tie and dragged him to his bedroom. "God, are you sure you're a virgin?"

Dan nodded vigorously as he watched her undo her blouse. He sat on his bed and he looked up at her completely mesmerized. Dan grabbed her by the waist and pulled her closer. Serena let the shirt slip from her shirt and she bent down to kiss him. He fell back on the bed and she made quick work of his belt, dragging his pants and boxers down around his ankles. She looked up at him and smiled.

"Lie back on the bed completely."

Dan did as he was told and Serena bent down and took him into her mouth. He was sure he was going to explode in her mouth any second. He gripped the sheets as he watch her head bobbing up and down on his cock. He ran his hand through her golden hair and said, "you should stop before I make a big mess."

She smiled mischievously at him and continued to take more of him into her mouth. By the time he hit the back of her throat, he exploded in her mouth. Once she was done she smiled up at him and said, "that's just the beginning."

"But, what about you? I feel like you're doing all the work, um, no pun intended."

Serena giggled and dan kicked off his pants, that were still around his ankles and pulled her to him. He turned her over so she was lying flat on her back. "Your turn." Serena giggled and bit her lip as she felt his hands caressing her inner thigh and placed a trail of kisses there. He smiled to himself when he saw how wet he made her. He pulled a side her panties and licked between the folds. Serena tugged on his hair as she bucked her hips. "You are far . ,"Serena gasped as he lapped up her juices. She was on the edge of losing control when she heard the sound of the door opening. Dan and Serena froze.

They heard the sound of keys being placed on a table. "Anybody home?"

Dan scrambled to put his clothes on. "It's my mother,"he said as he buckled his belt.

Serena got off the bed and started scrambling around in search of her shirt. Dan picked it up off the floor and threw it towards her. She managed to get it buttoned up a few seconds before Alison Humphrey walked through her son's bedroom door. She looked at her son and then at the pretty blonde and back at her son.

"Daniel Jonah Humphrey, why are you not in school? Nevermind." She smiled at Serena and said, "Alison, I'm Dan's mother and you are?"

Serena gave Alison her biggest smile and held out her hand. "I'm Serena Van Der Woodsen."

Alison smiled at the young lady and shook her hand. "Serena, I see my boy finally made a move."

Dan's eyes bugged out and said, "MOM!"

Serena smiled at Dan and said, "finally?"

"Oh he's had a… nevermind. Can you give us a moment? I need to speak to my son and by the way, you missed a button."

Dan sat on his bed staring at his feet as his mother looked down at him with her arms crossed. To say Alison was disappointed in Dan was an understatement. He was always so easy to manage. She knew that the teen years would come with some form of rebellion, but she was not expecting to find him entangled with some girl in the middle of the day.

"Dan I'm disappointed. You should know better. This isn't like you."

He was prepared for a tongue-lashing, but he didn't realize how angry he was with his mother. He hadn't seen her since the summer. She'd called twice in the past two months and now she was standing there lecturing him like she never left. Dan looked up at her and glared.

"Are you listening to me Dan?"

"Honestly, not really. Why are you here mom? Have a change of heart? Decided that you actually care about us? For your information, we're just fine."

Alison looked at her son and she didn't know how to explain that she wasn't leaving them, but their father. She reached out to touch his arm, but he moved away. "Dan listen to me. What's going on between your father and I, it's about us not you boys."

"Sure. Is that why we haven't heard from for the last two months?"Dan asked as he grabbed his bag from the floor. "Tell it to someone who cares," he said before marching out of his room.

Serena was sitting on the couch waiting for him.

"Come on, let's get out of here."

She followed him out the door and as they stood outside of the loft, she reached for his hand and held it in her own.

Brad and Dan were walking around Prospect Park, avoiding the one thing they both needed to talk about. Dan kicked every rock or pebble that seemed to cross his path.

"I think you missed one man,"Brad said.

Dan looked at him impatiently.

"Oh no, mr. broody back. Are we going to talk about what happened?"

"No."

Brad nodded. He knew better than anyone that Dan would talk when he was ready to.

"Are we going to talk about the other thing?"

"No. I'm not talking to you about that," Dan said as he shoved his brother.

"Come on just tell me one thing was she any good."

"Shut up asshole. That's my girlfriend you're talking about."

Brad held up his hand and said, "Sorry. I won't mention it again. But, I'm sure she was great. You were clearly a disappointment."

Dan glared at him as his brother laughed at him. They sat down on a bench and watched a family with two small children. They shared a look and Dan was the first to speak up. "I'm mad at her."

"She's here. Maybe we should hear her out."

Dan kicked the ground at his feet and said, "But, she left us."

"No, she left Dad."

"Have you lost your mind? You think I'm going to let my sons live with that monster?"Rufus said.

"Be reasonable. They are my sons too."

"Maybe you should have thought about that before you walked out the door."

Alison took a deep breath and said, "Listen, let's not make this about the boys. We can do this the easy way or we can get the lawyers involved."

Dan and Brad were laughing and teasing each other when they walked in on their parents fighting.

"The boys clearly need someone more responsible than you to look up to. I caught Dan having sex with his over-sexed girlfriend."

"He's a teenaged boy. Sex comes with the territory"

"And if he knocks her up?"

Brad raised his eyebrows at his brother as he looked down at the ground.

"I'm standing right here,"Dan said angrily.

"Dan. Brad. When did you boys get home?"Alison and Rufus said in unison.

"Just now, but you guys were a little busy with your petty fight."

Alison went over to Brad and hugged him. He hugged his mother back as Dan looked at him as if he'd just betrayed him.

"Boys, I need to talk to you about something."

Dan and Brad sat facing their mother as she tried to explain that her leaving wasn't about them and that she was just trying to sort through some things which apparently involved a new relationship with Bart Bass.

"He has son your age."

"We know and he's a total dick,"the boys said in unison.

"I thought you were friends with him?"Dan asked his brother.

"No, I'm friends with Nate. But you know how it is. They put up with me. I'll always be the boy from Brooklyn."

"Fuck em all. Who cares and I'm not living with him. You couldn't pay me to spend five minutes in his company,"Dan said as he paced the room.

"Give him a chance. Give them both a chance. Plus, you don't really have a choice in the matter. You'll be spending every other week with me in their home and I expect you boys to behave."

The boys looked at each other as they nodded in agreement. Their mother's word was always gold. She was the one that made the rules and they knew there wasn't much they could do about it.

"When do we have to be there?"Brad asked.

"Next week,"Alison replied. "Come on. How about some waffles?"

* * *

**Special Thanks** to pennblake for the messages and reviews. I'm glad you like this story. Also thanks to my girls nese36, and Where'sWaldorf for the words for the encouragement.


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